The following article is written for Faith
Writers and this week’s topic is “annoyed”
There are times in life where I find it
so hard to be still and I can feel times of anger which can be righteous anger
but even so. I guess I need to just be still and talk openly to God and listen
to the Holy Spirit during these times. For me the hardest thing is just to “be”
as I am constantly on the go and these are times that I find it hard to just
sit still sometimes. I have my bible handy to which I can turn to when I feel
the need or a gentle push of the Holy Spirit speaking to me. I should pick up His Word every day but I do
find this difficult and this all has to do with being able to sit still.
When I get up in the morning I will
often say Good Morning Father and that is about as far as my talking with God
goes. I then get up and get busy with things that I need to do without thinking
for a minute that I should talk to God first thing in the morning. I do find it
difficult speaking to God and I often feel as if my words are not relevant or I
feel lost not knowing what to say to Him. I can talk to friends and family
about how I am feeling but I should be talking to God, but I don’t so hence more
often than not I end up getting annoyed with myself. I know I have the prompting of the Holy
Spirit and there are sometimes that I talk to Him but not often enough.
I remember the year before last going to
a conference that was on prayer and basically conversing with the Holy Spirit
and after the conference on this particular Sunday afternoon I got home and
spent an hour lying on my bed just pouring out my heart to God. The time went
by so quickly that I was surprised, and I felt like I was walking on air I felt
so good. But alas I have not been able to do this very much since then.
I do have a sheet by which I do follow for
certain periods of time. It is basically on how to spend an hour with God every
day and it is split up into 5-minute segments totaling one hour. I can do this
for a few days and then something happens, and I don’t do it for a while and I
end up feeling guilty. I could start all over again and start off slowly and
not run before I can walk. I do try and spend about five to ten minutes a day
in the Word of God and I use the Every day with Jesus one-year bible as I like
how this bible is set out plus it gives little segments of thought at the end
of each day. There is also a prayer and further study of the scriptures if you
want to get into this.
I long to be able to sit down and be
able to pray but this is something that I have always found difficult and I
guess this has something to do with my not so good relationship with my earthly
father. I realise this is not the same and that my relationship with God needs
to be different and I know I will get there eventually. The times that I do
manage to have time with God I feel so much better and my day runs smoothly and
when I don’t then sometimes this is a different story.
I could start off my time with God today
which would be good. I have also felt led to take communion at home once a week
(unless church is doing communion during the Sunday service then I won’t partake
of bread and wine at home). When I have done this before about four years ago
this was because I was led again by the Holy Spirit.
I know God does not expect miracles, but
I do have a heart for prayer and I guess I need to learn not to be annoyed with
myself and just learn to be in His presence day by day, after all I have
everything to gain but, I still need to learn to be still in His presence!
